The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
