Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he quoted the bible to break up with me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
