i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
