We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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