I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
