So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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