what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
