He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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