If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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