i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
