she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize