My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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