Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
