I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
