No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
