I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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