my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
