Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
