I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
