Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
