his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
