I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
