YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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