after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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