If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
