he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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