And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
