Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
