phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
