I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I love you.
Bad choice
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
