So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
