We're facebook friends in real life
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
