Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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