i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
