I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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