She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
