Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
