That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
