his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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