If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
