After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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