TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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