Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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