this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
