I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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