Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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