you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
