Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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