How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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