it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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