she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
