let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
