speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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