That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
