Who did Billy Mays play for?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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