Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
