Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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