how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
