I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
