My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
