The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
