I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
