you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
