Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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