Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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