You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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