I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
