I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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