A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
