Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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